Monday, September 28, 2009

no.13

I warned you,
I took my time and I listened to my insides first,
my outsides later
I trusted you - and so i let you in.

I warned you,
I asked you if you could hold me - underneath it all
knock down my walls
I trusted you - and so you entered,

I warned you,
I tip-toed the perimeters of who i was so it could be easy,
the diameter remains untouched,
I trusted you - and so we swam in fantasy

I warned you,
I said the truth is coming closer to the shore,
the sun is setting
I trusted you- and so we watched a sun set

I warned you,
I feared the sun had passed - winters winds
brought around reality
I trusted you - and you weren't there.

I warned you,
I examined the past, the future, until i let it go-
became content in the now
I trusted you - you entered , we swam, we watched a sun set, you disappeared...
but I trusted you.


Monday, September 14, 2009

no.12

breathe
i lost my anchor
im out at sea
the tide is heavy
im bobbing
far from free
my body aches
inside-out
my hands outstretched
you always grounded me
i cant accept what lies ahead
i know the land is near...
u the anchor - lost on oceans ground,
gone forever....
i want to shout to find you, but you've already gone....forever
and we are all still lost at sea


Wednesday, September 2, 2009

ADAM "DJAM" GOLDSTEIN - R.I.P. MARCH 30 1973- AUGUST 28 2009




This post will never be everything that it could be, so im just going to write...thats what Adam always told me to do. "katrina, you should write, its the place where all your thoughts go - your lucky to have something like that." I used to send him poems constantly...it was my way of communicating with him.
I met adam through weird circumstances in 2006, it took my a year to trust him and then another six months to give him a little section of my heart - safe to say he'll have that section forever.
There is nobody in my life that has inspired me more to be a better person, to be honest and to accept people for what they are. What I learnt from Adam on the daily, was about living - about being grateful - about the joy of being. I didnt know adam from living in America - though we met when I lived in New York. I didnt know him from AA and I didn't know him through the DJ circuit. I knew adam as a random guy i happened to meet when my world was crashing.
There was never any question in my mind that I met him for a reason, because he saved my life - something I made him aware of from day one. For me, adam has always been an angel - and the dearest friend, i couldn't of asked for more.
The oddest part about receiving the devastating news about his passing was a feeling for me like he had prepared me for this. Something adam constantly talked to me about was they was people deserved to be happy, the way people deserved to accept eachother and themselves for exactly who they are, the way people shouldnt want to change a thing about those they loved - because if they truly love them - they should accept them with all there imperfections. It is through Adam that I learnt the gift of prayer, of being thankful for the present moment - not holding out for what could be tomorrow....
I feel safe in the idea that Adam is now looking over all of us, I feel grateful beyond words to know that I got to experience someone of his kind this lifetime. Adam has left the world with gifts that those who had the pleasure of knowing him can take with them forever ...his music inspired, his charity inspired, his fight inspired and his love inspired.
I am going to miss my friend everyday, I am going to continue to learn from my friend everyday - listening to the lessons he taught me and prepared me in advance with...I dont think I could cherish anyone more - I am eternally grateful for everything...
It's rare beyond rare to meet someone who is constantly there - through the good and bad, the ugly and the beautiful - I met someone who was constantly there even when they couldn't be physically - and i know he will always be here - in my heart, looking over us , teaching us and reminding me everyday "katriiiiiiiiina, calm down."

:) Adam - this is for you: i'll 'try' calm down- "hunny i'll turn it down a notch" , i'll do what makes me happy, i'll enjoy the present, i'll always be honest, i'll love my family - i'll try work on my relationship with my sister, i'll work my butt off, i'll make sure i find someone who loves me for exactly who i am and i'll thankyou everystep along the way. im going to make you proud.

MOUSE FARMER
MONKEY DANCER
CALM THE FARM
GHOSTING
GREENER
COOL MO DEE
INTERCULTURAL COMMUNICATION -always.
BEAR, PUNCHY and the lil family.
LOST, DEXTER
CAFE MUD , LE PETIT CREME
RUBYS BONDI BURGER
THE SERENITY PRAYER

love and deepest condolences to all those affected - his momma, muggsy, friends and family.

hey, adam - you can finally meet zoe, i promise she's the best dog ever - and shes nuts like me and i know you hated how long my messages to you were - i crashed you blackberry haha but you know - i had to do it...
p.s. - i still dont get why you loved Locke in lost so much...
xx
R.I.P. - i hope you are in peace . i love you.