Friday, June 26, 2009

no.9

I JUST WROTE THIS TO A FRIEND: i didnt think when i wrote it, it just came out, as most things do for me. I kinda liked it when I re-read it so here it is, it may make no sense but It does somewhere to me or I wouldnt of written it with such a free-spirited hand.

i want to give you a tablature,
of everything in between. of thoughts emotions all laid bare under the rug of seas.
as time moves forward, we but all stand still, immortal we think, ungrateful we stand - and then it shakes, falls out our hands.
turn to the ones we love, ask for mercy, no longer afraid of the day, live by your own rights, ignight the fire the fuel to drive.
and love me love me love me love me love is what she asks craving to smooth the naked wounds, the flesh, the starch smell lingers but the path is golden glistening just too cloudy to see...
but one day my angel, youlll be free. and then you will be able to see, your imperfection are beautiful and you draw as close as my eyes've perfection seen.
ne'er been, ne'er were but always remains, future will create whats still unknown and ill step in and out high up tiptoped.
i want you i want you i want you can u see me? vision blurred one day shell see. and then the apple will fall from the tree and eve will bight it, adam too and the juices of fruit will explode, connection, to energies that still remin unbeknown to you and unbeknown to me.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

no. 8

I love the number 8 its sex.
ok, funny post. This post I admit some funny things...
1. I like akon, infact i love akon - yes he is 'a kon man' he is 'a konvict' ...but i wanna make love na na na, as does he. kids get to cry about wanting things, like 'naaanaaaa' well I want to make love 'naanaaaa', AKON is onto something!

2. I like extra large soy chai lattes - and i like walking around after i buy them in a takeaway cup looking at clothes - and i know it makes me pathetic and a stereotype but i can think of no better way to waste my time.

3. I still wanna make love na na na

4.I am attracted to gay men who will never love me - namely my best friend jarrod. i constantly try spoon him in bed and he gets so freaked out that he jumps up hells high and kicks me out the bed.

5.i wrote about a 'washed out poet' on this blog in november or december 2007, i ripped into him but he is still my **** buddy.

6. the only people who have ever really 'gotten' me are 'the backstreet boys' o and 'ben lee'.

7. i consider the concept of marrying a dog daily, the only issue is that they wouldnt be able to pay any of the rent - and thats just kinda annoying - because im hells stingy

8. i am not concerned enough with the news - and honestly, dont really know what the arab-israeli conflict is about.

9. i am currently listening to Madonna "dont cry for me argentina"

10. I am better at writing than speaking, but seeing as my punctuation and disregard for the english language is at a low standard - im pretty much fucked.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

no.7

You know those rare people, the one's you don't have to speak around because they GET IT? Well, for me, those people = love.
It's that kinetic energy of being able to just be, silently next to someone and understanding it that matters.
When someone spurs me to speak and speak and speak and speak and speak to the cows come home, it doesn't really mean that much, it just means we are 'divulging,' of course; sometimes this dialogue is refreshing and inspiring and new and brilliant.
BUT, for me, the clincher, the deal breaker is if you can manage to
a. get me to shut the fuck up and just listen.
b. if we can sit in silence without having to use words.

I mean, as wanky as this might sound: what are words anyway?
Words are just signs of ideas, and they mean and define everything but also can equal nothing. I GET that i love writing, so words should mean everything, but they don't because when those rare people can force me to say nothing at all- i know i'm beginning to love.
It's a bit weird to put photo's of just myself up - but this photo kinda sums it up. I was sad, very sad and in new york and my friend Gina came over and helped me out, just kinda nurtured me and it was great..and I had this cardigan on, and it kinda was the opposite to what I was feeling, but then this photo came out that she took and it was right, I fell in love with Gina as a friend that day, just by her being there. so, this photo is up for this post.


Thursday, June 4, 2009

no.6



Acceptance.
Not so long ago I started meditating or in other words praying every night. I dont pray to a particular G-d, so that's why I call it meditating because it is more of a personal meditative practice.
Someone, who was very influential in my life taught me the 'serenity prayer' which is a prayer commonly associated with recovering addicts. It goes like this:
"Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference."
For me, the hardest struggle I face is learning to accept people for exactly who they are. The biggest gripe we have with others is when we want to change them so the best lesson is to start focusing on the fact that we cant control them, we can rather accept them and get on with the joy of really living with acceptance. The other part of this prayer that I love is about courage. Sometimes when I think about courage I think of the Lion in the 'Wizard of Oz'and how he is on the search for courage. I am literally, digging for courage everyday, courage to walk away from the things that are bad for me, the things that are unhealthy to my soul. Though we cannot change, nor control others, we can manifest change within ourselves and it takes courage. I do not have enough courage, but I am working on it.We can keep asking ourselves why the same mistakes keep happening, why we can't let go of a certain something...but we can, we just need to find the courage to let these things go and induce change.
This is getting preachy, so i'm going to go now. heheh
I'll just leave with one thought: if we never allowed ourselves the capacity to change and face ourselves then we would never really grow. if we keep forcing others to change we are just trying to control them, whether in work, love or friendship relationships...and in life, it may be hard to see but we can't control anything, nobody has the answers...all we can do is be the best versions of ourselves that we know how and that takes work every single day and thats why I say this prayer everynight,...to remind myself and be grateful.
x x peace x x