Friday, May 22, 2009

no.3

your a fucking weight
and you started when i was too young to know better
and ive tried so hard to let you go
pushed this memory to places the dark doesnt go
your my deepest wounding,
my earliest memory,
and ive done all this work to make myself better
yet it only gets worse as time gets farther
a decade plus more,
i dont think about it- and enjoy most days
but my anchor remembers
cause,
everytime i try my body doesnt feel
im an empty vessel with scars not healed
but i crave to enjoy it- most humans do
inside im an island, alone, free standing
i want but cant let your ship enter this baron land of mine...
he says he cant read me,
well i cant either...what turns my light off and on?
i cant enjoy whats rightfully mine
i have no answers
except to blame you,
the rule in life is that nobody should ever blame another
but i blame you...
because its your impure undoings,
i was only a child - naive- blinded with desire
i didnt deserve it, my minds in denial
i trusted you,
i know itll get better in the right time, place and space
youve made me stronger in remittance,
sad truth is that it wont change
till the scars heal more, the ghost walks away
and hopefully one day this vessel that im stuck in that should of been mine alone always
will be safe and ready to share
a new history of nurture, support and care

2 comments:

greta said...

really beautiful katrina x

emilie said...

oh my strong little darling. love for you. you deserve and will get only the best in this life. i'l make sure of it xxxx